Growth welcomes adversity. Adversity is very diverse. Adversity can be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, and we can even face social adversity. Social adversities can occur when individuals around us cannot relate to our dreams or do not believe in what we have said to be our dreams and goals.
I recently read an article in which Quentin Tarantino's mother and teachers stated that he was wasting his time writing. From an early age, he would frequently write screenplays. They saw his activity as an act of defiance because he did it in school without being assigned to do so by his teachers. Moreover, he explained how in one argument she sarcastically made air quotes saying:
"Oh, and by the way, this little 'writing career,' this little 'writing career' that you're doing? That s--t is over."
The truth is that sometimes even the people that we love don't understand our dreams and goals. However, does that make them haters or naysayers?
Let's first define these words. A naysayer is a person who criticizes, objects to, or opposes something. On the other hand, a hater is a person who intensely dislikes a specified person or thing. And while these two are similar, I think there is indeed a difference.
Naysayers.
Naysayers are people who, when you discuss your dreams and goals, perceive it as an unachievable desire. They see the hills but neglect the valley you've traversed. Often, naysayers are people who are only "keeping it real." Fear paralyzes naysayers more than opportunity motivates them, and they say "no" more often than they say "yes."
Haters
You should be aware that they spend the majority of their time watching you work. Haters are highly aware of the flaws of others but refuse to admit their own. They, like the naysayers, see the hills and ignore the valleys, but they claim you got over the valleys owing to "dumb luck."
Naysayers vs. Haters
While a naysayer and haters have their parallels, there is one difference. Naysayers can change their tone; haters are so unsatisfied with where they are they cannot celebrate your wins. Think of those people that started saying you couldn't do something, and then when they saw you do it, they praised you for your accomplishments. On the other hand, no matter how successful you are, some still say you made it because of someone else because of some miracle or out of luck. Haters refuse to see anyone's success, but this says more about them than anything else.
"Hurt people hurt people. We are not being judgmental by separating ourselves from such people. But we should do so with compassion. Compassion is defined as a "keen awareness of the suffering of another coupled with a desire to see it relieved."
―
Will Bowen, Complaint Free Relationships: Transforming Your Life One Relationship at a Time
The most widespread belief is that if something hasn't been accomplished, it won't be done by us! The hater, on the other hand, is far more explicit; YOU will not do it. Precisely, This is the mindset of the skeptic and doubter. They refuse to accept that YOU, in particular, cannot achieve it. They refuse to perceive your potential, which reveals more about their pain than anything else.
Haters are hurting inside because of their failures. They have cast their limiting beliefs onto those around them. And while they may love those around them, the success or glimpse of success of those around them only reminds them of their shortcomings. Often people will settle, thinking they deserve what they have, although this is far from the truth. No one should walk around feeling empty or as if they aren't good enough to accomplish their dreams. No one should live in a world of "what ifs" and never actually feels they can leap.
As you read this, think of those that are part of your circle. A few naysayers and several haters may surround you. Learn to walk away from conversations that don't lead to growth. Also, understand that it's okay to walk away from that relationship. Keep in mind what Peter tells us in his first letter: "Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing" (1st Peter 3:9 - The Message).
