How To Get Rid Of [Bad] Self-doubt.

Think of that 'big move' you want to make. Start a company, move to a new city, start a new job, change careers, etc. There may be a level of doubt that you feel when thinking about making this move (which may be sparked by the COVID-19 pandemic) considering, there are some built-in risks; change feels risky sometimes, and leaving your comfort zone can be scary. However, by doing your due diligence in research, planning, and strategizing, you may be able to put some of those doubts to bed. Doubting the 'big move' and doubting your self are two different things.

Let us consider the following before continuing: There are moments when doubt comes in handy. It is that doubt that forced you to do your due diligence in researching, planning, and strategizing before "taking the leap". Just as there is "good doubt" in your life, there is also "bad doubt." One comes from a place of constructive skepticism, while the other comes from a destructiveness.

It is "good doubt" that will make you question an idea presented in a meeting and forces the dialect to help create something new. However, it is "bad doubt" that makes people think "it won't work," and they've got a thousand and one reasons they could tell you as to why it won't work. Here, skepticism refers to an inclination to challenge ideas, which can be manifested, for the betterment and growth of oneself or the determined. 

If we say there is "good" doubt and "bad" doubt, then is there such a thing as "good self-doubt" and "bad" self-doubt? It is Author Alice Boyes, Ph.D., who writes in The Healthy Mind Toolkit: "I need both periods of self-confidence and self-doubt to create my best work. Both of these states help me in different ways. Sometimes I need the confidence to crank out work or take charge of a situation. On the flip side, sometimes I need self-doubt to propel me to examine where I might have blind spots and to motivate the effort involved in correcting these." It seems as though doubt can push you to investigate, and self-doubt can motivate you to find people that know what you may not, to help you achieve the desired level of success.

As previously mentioned, doubt is a lack of confidants in someone or something. We see there can be "good doubt" and "bad doubt." We also understand that self-doubt is a lack of faith in oneself, and just like doubt can come in handy, so can self-doubt. But, self-doubt can be paralyzing and is associated with anxiety, depression, procrastination, or lack of motivation, and among others.

As a leader, self-doubt can be the one thing that closes the doors of opportunities. If you have [bad] self-doubt as a leader, your possible team member will sense it, and they are likely to not buy-in after catching a whiff of that self-doubt. You've got to believe in your vision before anyone else does; this is the mark a great leader, and yet, believing in your vision and the possibilities when you allow self-doubt to be your dwelling place is paralyzing.

1) Think about the things you can control and start there.

- You can control the way you look, and sometimes changing your wardrobe can help change the perspective you have of yourself. So, buy new clothes or get a haircut. I am sure you have heard the saying: "look good, feel good," and with this first tip, the idea is to put you first and change what you can. Now it doesn't have to be your wardrobe, it can also be your environment. Have you ever heard the saying: "cleanliness is close to godliness"? Look at your room, is there something there you can fix? Really sit in your room and take a look around. Ask yourself, "Is there something here I can fix"? I am sure the answer we will become yes, and by fixing your habitat, you can then move one to fix your environment.

2) Sometimes the self-doubt comes from the failed relationships.
- Blaming yourself for yet another failed relationship, rather it be platonic or romantic, can be a confidence killer. It can make you feel as though you have nothing to offer, nothing to give. And if your circle is one that continues to harp on the past, there is no way you are moving forward. Let the bridges you burn light your path. Say goodbye to those friends and surround yourself with people that will nourish your vision.

3) Write down your accomplishments.
- The fact is that life doesn't change because you decided to change, and self-doubt will try to come back knocking. Be optimistic and realistic. Understand that Goliath will show up to intimidate you and you've got to be ready! by writing down your successes and keeping them in a visible location, your phone, refrigerator, etc. you'll be able to remind yourself and announce to self-doubt that indeed, you are more than a conqueror.

4) Focus on your goals.
- Often times we can be our own worst enemy, and life is all about those things we do 90-98% of the time, routine. The fact is you have been accustomed to living in self-doubt, and self-pity, and reminding your self of the failures and shortcomings. However, this is because you have been focusing on the wrong thing. Whatever you focus on, will distract you from any possible distractions, and believe it or not, not all distraction is bad. You may be falling asleep behind the wheel and something catches your attention, distracting you from dosing off and causing an accident, that was a good distraction, wouldn't you say? On the other hand, you may be getting ready to go to work and get distracted with a phone call which causes you to be distracted from your routine and thus be late to work, that is a bad distraction. Focusing on your goals won't allow you to look at your past; Focus your vision on your goals.

5) Keep the faith.
- Faith is an unwavering belief that despite whatever may be happening, everything will be okay. You have got to decide to break up with self-doubt and block her/his number! Your faith needs to be firmly placed in that you weren't born with self-doubt and you can't die with it, you won't die with it! The fact is that dreamers don't die with self-doubt, the die because of it. A leader is a dreamer that shared his vision and others bought in. Dare to dream. Dream boldly. Keep the faith.

When we look at the scripture, we see many individuals who had to come face to face with their own self-doubt but in Paul's writing to Rome, we see that self-doubt should not exist in our lives. The Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Rome and said: "I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one" (Romans 12:3). In other words, God has deposited in you some wonderful gifts, talents, ability, and a measure of faith. We should be honest with ourselves on what those are and utilize them unto the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). We should not have low self-esteem, which is associated with self-doubt. Nor should we have high self-esteem, which is associated with an egocentric attitude. We should possess healthy self-esteem and if indeed any doubt appears, it causes us to do critical thinking, and if any self-doubt shows up, may it cause us to understand our limitations and surround ourselves with people that will nourish the vision.